After the heartache

{Apologies for the delay in posting this final part of our Relationships:God intended steak series – I was debating over stuff like how personally revealung to be in it}

Unless you are one of those lucky few people who manages to find their perfect, God-intended partner first time and marries their only boyfriend/girlfriend, an inevitable fact of life is you will go through break-ups. Which can suck. And which seems to be overlooked in a lot of Christian relationship teaching for whatever reason, so I figured it would be a good way to end our look at mature Christian relationships. Because let’s face it, just because we are Christians doesn’t mean every relationship is going to go perfectly. And surely a great test as to if we are acting in a mature Christian way with regards dating is how we respond to breakups.

I’m sure you know someone who has been through a messy breakup with all sorts of rows and shouting and name-calling and wild accusations flying everywhere and phone numbers getting deleted and photographs being ceremoniously burnt. Maybe you yourself have been in that place. And here’s the thing, it really flies in the face of everything Jesus taught. Because He says we should turn the other cheek and not seek revenge. We shouldn’t be out for one-upmanship.

People break up for all sorts of reasons. And one thing we need to remember is that as we strive to maturity in our faith, as we look to be more like Christ, He commands us to be forgiving. Maybe if you held less grudges and sought less tit-for-tat arguments you would have less breakups. And maybe if we remember we aren’t perfect and don’t live in glass houses we would be less inclined to throw accusatory stones.

But sometimes despite our efforts to overlook minor imperfections a serious flaw will be uncovered and it will be apparent someone isn’t the prime steak we thought they were, and so we will need to end things. Or it may become obvious that your personalities aren’t compatible. It could be that you realise you have two different callings from God to pursue that couldn’t be done together and in order that each of you may fulfil God’s purpose for your life you need to go your separate ways. There may be a physical barrier like long distance that brings things to an end. It could be something else, but the blunt fact is, relationships end. (Now obviously I should point out we are talking here about pre-marital relationships. Marriage should only be considered once you figure you have got past any issues like this arising, because marriage shouldn’t end.) And if you are breaking up with someone, do it face to face. Not because of any great Biblical principle that says text dumping is wrong, but just as a matter of respect and dignity for the person you are breaking up with.

And breakups suck. Especially when you weren’t the one who wanted things to end. Or if it ended because of something your partner did. It can be easy to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself, getting angry and wanting your new ex to feel your pain too. But the Bible says we should always love our Christian brothers and sisters, and there is no loophole verse that says you get a free pass to slag them off in the weeks after they break up with you. And deliberately trying to make them feel worse than they already do about it all is a no-no too.

We have to accept that God is sovereign and He has something else planned for us. We have to trust that by showing no bitterness and holding on to no hard feelings we can be a shining light to those around us who will wonder how we can go through a breakup so well. Which will open up opportunities to tell them about Jesus.

Sometimes it can take time to get over the heartache of an unwanted and unexpected breakup, and in those situations we need to pray for help in biting our tongues and not saying anything about the other person we will regret. Sometimes the best thing to do is just go off somewhere and be alone for a while, and sit under a tree throwing sticks into the night sky to let your frustrations out. Taken is also a good movie to watch… And it is important to remember that the end of a romantic relationship need not mean the end of a great friendship if we approach things with a mature Christian attitude, showing the other person the brotherly/sisterly love and respect they deserve as a person made in God’s image.

Learn more the author of this post:

Pete McM
The original founder of All4God, Pete is 26, lives in Northern Ireland, is a junior doctor, Ulster fan and is passionate about Jesus
  • Brandon

    Peter you sound like you have been through a lot of relationships with your experienced advice. Is this from experience dating a lot of girls? Have you any other advice?

    • Anonymous

      Brandon, no, most of this advice comes from what I learnt through one relationship

  • Brandon

    Peter you sound like you have been through a lot of relationships with your experienced advice. Is this from experience dating a lot of girls? Have you any other advice?

    • http://www.all4God.co.uk Peter McM

      Brandon, no, most of this advice comes from what I learnt through one relationship

  • anne

    Deep wounds make us even deeper spiritually , emotionally and intellectually .  HOpe time is on your side for the healing.  Am sure you will find your God’s appointed partner in life soon. God bless you for sharing us this piece of wisdom.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for that Anne, at about the same time you were posting that I was actually having a deep conversation about the same thing with a good friend, definitely not a coincidence when God is involved!

  • anne

    Deep wounds make us even deeper spiritually , emotionally and intellectually .  HOpe time is on your side for the healing.  Am sure you will find your God’s appointed partner in life soon. God bless you for sharing us this piece of wisdom.

    • http://www.all4God.co.uk Peter McM

      Thanks for that Anne, at about the same time you were posting that I was actually having a deep conversation about the same thing with a good friend, definitely not a coincidence when God is involved!

  • Anonymous

    Brandon, no, most of this advice comes from what I learnt through one relationship

  • http://www.all4God.co.uk Peter McM

    Brandon, no, most of this advice comes from what I learnt through one relationship