Top Biblical ways to get a wife

This is a little different to the normal for All4God. Rather than some epic teaching to help you grow closer to God, we are providing some helpful advice. And it’s aimed specifically at single guys, although everyone else is welcome to have a read of it too.

See, I know there are plenty of guys who are fans of All4God who happen to be single. And Beyonce did a song for all the single ladies, so I thought I’d do an article for all the single guys (seen as I fall into that category at present). And in true Jeremy Clarkson fashion, I went on the internet, and I found this – The top Biblical ways to get a wife. So have a read through it, see how your favourite Bible characters went about getting a wife, and then try them out for yourself.

  1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. – (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
  2. Find a prostitute and marry her. – (Hosea 1:1-3)
  3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. – Moses (Ex 2:16-21)
  4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. – Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
  5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. – Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
  6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. – Adam (Gen 2:19-24)
  7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife, – Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
  8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife – David (I Samuel 18:27)
  9. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. – Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
  10. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a … woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.” – Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
  11. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). – David (2 Samuel 11)
  12. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It’s not just a good idea; it’s the law.) – Onana and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
  13. Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. – Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

If you aren’t feeling any of those, there is always Paul’s approach! – (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

NB – there will mostly like be major legal aspects to consider if you try out number 8, 10 or 13, just so you are warned! All4God is not responsible for the consequences of you attempting any of these, although if you do have success a wedding invite would be appreciated.

Learn more the author of this post:

Pete McM
The original founder of All4God, Pete is 26, lives in Northern Ireland, is a junior doctor, Ulster fan and is passionate about Jesus
  • kaittate

    haha

  • kaittate

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  • kaittate

    haha

  • http://www.all4God.co.uk Peter McM

    Obviously All4God recommends waiting til after Christmas to try any of these, as it’ll be cheaper for you that way!

  • PeteMcM

    Obviously All4God recommends waiting til after Christmas to try any of these, as it'll be cheaper for you that way!

  • PeteMcM

    Obviously All4God recommends waiting til after Christmas to try any of these, as it'll be cheaper for you that way!