What Girls want (Valentine's thoughts)

{Time to inorduce a new contributor, Carissa, a politics student from Liberty University Virginia and former arts and craft director at Beaver Cross camp}

A while ago I was asked to write a guest post for All4God. At the time, I didn’t feel as though I had anything worth writing about, and I prayed about it, struggled with what to write, and ended up forgetting about it, until now.

Last night I had a conversation with a dear friend. I say last night….it was actually this morning. I’m writing on about three hours of sleep because this topic won’t leave me alone, and it’s driving me nuts. The subject, is Valentine’s day. If you are a single girl, you’ve probably heard every relationship “talk” under the sun. You’ve heard the different versions of “don’t let him use you”, “be more assertive”, “God loves you just the way you are, with or without a date” and the “let God be your Valentine”, and frankly, you’re sick and tired of it.

Guys, I promise you I am not an angry crazy girl who is ready to get back at the world. I am simply a concerned one. I don’t know what single guys do, or how they feel (It’s rumored in some areas of the girl world that guys don’t have feelings. I know this to be false because I have two brothers, so hear me out). Gentlemen, this one is for you. I am going to attempt to give you some insight to the female perspective and hopefully help you understand a few main points that I believe not only make sense, but are biblical as well. It might not be in time to find you a date for Valentine’s Day, but it might just help you find someone to last a whole lot longer than that one day.

#1: I have heard many a guy use a phrase similar to that of “The good guys never win”. This is not true, nor will it ever be. If you truly view yourself as a “good guy”, you may be coming across as creepy or desperate. I’ve known several guys who have used this phrase who post things about their “non-relationships” on Facebook, etc. and no girl wants to be the subject of one of those posts. This phrase and attitude also makes a guy come across as whiney. Girls want manly men who don’t waste their time saying “the good guys never win”. Rather, they want a guy who spends that time he could be complaining, attempting to make himself a better man.

#2: Girls are romantics at heart. Even if they seem to have an iron skin, take a lesson from Solomon. Solomon wrote poetry. He gave compliments. Yes, his book in the Bible is a little too risqué to use in every-day life, but reading Song of Solomon, any girl can sense how genuine his love for the girl he was writing about was.

Better yet, take a lesson from the greatest love of all time, Christ’s love for the church. He gave his life for her. Oh, and in case you weren’t aware….a marriage is supposed to be an example of this love. Girls are more than aware of this. Yes, a girl might end up marrying a guy who sits on the couch and does nothing with his life, but ultimately, if you want to have a Godly marriage that works and is honoring to God (I pray that is what you want!) you will come to realize that marriage is based on sacrifice.

Forgive me for this next one, it may seem awkward, but it’s truth

#3: A girl’s “time-clock” moves faster than a guy’s. If she wants to have kids someday, she can’t help but think about marriage. I’m not going to expand on this one a lot because I don’t think it’s necessary, but guys….if you really want a godly relationship, make it obvious that you’re looking for more than a dating relationship. Most girls want to hear that you are willing to settle down and want to get married/have kids someday. You may think it’s strange to have that conversation, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Just….throw something into your conversation about your childhood and then follow it up with what you would do if you had kids. Most of the time, a girl will pick up on it and it will encourage her heart. It may take more than one of those to convince her, but most of the time it works.

#4: Sometimes the most incredible girls are the ones who don’t stand out of the crowd. I’m not saying that the girls who automatically stand out aren’t wonderful by any means. I’m simply saying that the incredible girls aren’t always noticed. This may be because they are too busy listening to others to stand out, or because they aren’t outwardly flirtatious or assertive. Oftentimes if you start a conversation with a girl on the “sidelines” she will talk to you if you genuinely seem interested in her. Ask questions. Almost everyone likes to be asked questions about themselves.

#5: Use proper grammar, even in texts and Facebook conversations. Girls love it.

Maybe these points have hit you a bit hard, maybe you don’t know what to think of what I’m saying, but it basically boils down to this. Don’t be afraid to be a manly man, make your intentions clear, and be patient. Some girls might not agree with me on everything I’ve said, but give me a break….speaking for the entire female community is difficult since, as you probably know, girls talk a lot. I’m not trying to put everything on guys, or say that relationship failures are all due to the gruesome behavior of the male species or anything like that. I know that girls can be difficult to deal with and will at times break your heart, but in response to that I would like to leave you with a tip that has been passed through female generations since Eve and Mrs. Noah and I will now reveal to the male community: “That just means that God has someone better out there for you.”

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Learn more the author of this post:

Carissa Bates